Aftermath
by PaintedOak
Summary: After the battle for Naxzela, everyone is left to wander through the halls of the Castle. Some are on diplomatic errands, others are just left to their own devices. As Keith walks, he wonders just how long it will take before his friends learn what he had done.


"Hey, have you guys seen Matt?" Pidge glanced around the busy room, hoping to get the attention of one of the people there. Since Naxzela had been freed, no one really had the time to do much of anything. Between negotiating with Lotor, talking with the Blade of Marmora, and discussing politics with the newly-freed people, nobody had a moment to breathe, much less talk to each other about the battle.

Luckily for Pidge, Lance didn't really have much to do at the moment.

"Huh? Oh, I think he's actually looking for you. He came by earlier, and I sent him off towards your room."

"Really? Huh. Thanks Lance!" Pidge waved her thanks, and set off. Hopefully, Matt was still around, and she could finally see how he was doing. As far as she knew, he'd just gone through the largest, toughest battle he'd ever been a part of. She herself had been through some bad fights, but none near as dire as this one. For a moment, it almost seemed like they might not actually make it out alive. But they did, and she just needed to make sure her older brother was okay.

A few hallways and corners later, Pidge found him walking towards her, his head down in thought.

"Matt! There you are!" At the sound of her voice, Matt's head shot up, the contemplative frown on his face turning into a grin.

"Hey there Pidge," he said, closing the distance between them to wrap his little sister in a tight hug.

"Hey there, easy! You're squishing me!" Pidge squirmed in his arms playfully.

"Yup! Gotta remind you who's the stronger Holt!" Matt chuckled, releasing her.

"Oh please. We all know that's me," Pidge smirked, giving Matt a friendly punch to the arm. The two chuckled, and then Matt's face grew somber once again.

"But really, Pidge, it's good to see you," he said, a soft smile on his face.

"Matt, come on, we just saw each other this morning. You know, right before the battle?" Pidge rolled her eyes, completely pretending that she didn't feel the same.

"Well, yeah, I know, but…. I was just worried about you, you know? That was a really tough fight. And I just got you back. I couldn't stand losing you again." Matt placed his hand on her shoulder.

Pidge smiled. "Yeah. I love you too, Matt."

He beamed at her before letting the smile fall away from his face.

"You know, we lost a lot of good people out there," he said, moving to sit against the wall.

"Yeah. A third of your team got wiped out with just one hit, I hear. That must have been awful," Pidge said, sitting next to him.

"It was. And you guys almost got trapped on a bomb planet. That must have been terrifying," Matt looked over at his sister.

"Heh, yeah. We couldn't even move. If it hadn't been for Allura, we likely wouldn't have gotten off until the gravity had stopped." She looked over at Matt. "And the rest of your team was stuck behind an asteroid."

"We all would have died if Lotor hadn't shown up when he did," Matt admitted.

"Maybe not all of us? The Blade probably would have gotten out of there once everyone else was gone. At least Keith would have been alright." Pidge smiled at the thought. Even if the rest of team Voltron perished, there would be at least one of them to continue on.

"Yeah. Maybe." Matt turned away, his gaze on the floor.

"Hmm? What do you mean 'maybe'?" Pidge leaned closer to him and he turned his head farther away.

"I'm just saying that Keith probably wouldn't have made it out. If Lotor hadn't shown up when he did."

"Matt, what are you talking about, of course he would have. He was the best pilot at the Garrison, you know. I'm sure he could've gotten out of there," Pidge looked up. The idea of Keith not getting out of a fight? The idea sounded insane. Of course he would've gotten out. Heck, he'd probably relish in the challenge of threading through Galra ships while under heavy fire. Her musings were interrupted by Matt mumbling something under his breath.

"What was that?" Pidge asked.

Matt breathed heavily, but didn't say anything.

"Matt?"

He paused. "You know, you're right," he started. "Keith is a brilliant pilot. And if the need arose, he probably would have gotten out of there. If…."

"…If…?"

"If he wasn't doing something reckless, like trying to ram into a Galra shield to try to get it to fall," he sighed.

Pidge stared at her brother. "…He… what? What are you talking about?"

Matt ran a hand through his hair. "Keith saw that our weapons weren't getting through the shields. And he knew that everyone would die if they didn't fall. So, I guess he figured that if our weapon fire wasn't strong enough to destroy the barrier, maybe a ship crashing into it would be."

"…Keith… tried to…?" Tears were starting to form in the girls' eyes, her world beginning to crumble around her. Keith was her friend. She looked up to him like a brother! He wouldn't just do that! Would he?

Matt looked over at her with tired, regretful eyes. "Yeah. He did."

"No." Pidge's voice broke on the single syllable, sending pains through her older brother.

"Pidge-" Matt started.

"N-No! There's no way Keith would do something like that. There's no way he would just, would just kill himself like that." The tears in her eyes started to fall, streaking their way down her face.

"Pidge-" Matt moved to place a hand on her shoulder.

She whipped her head up to look at him. "Because he'd at least _say_ something to us first, wouldn't he? He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye."

"Oh Pidge…."

"Oh god, he would-!" The look on her face absolutely destroyed Matt. "He's done it before. He's left before without saying anything." As Matt looked on at his sisters' tear-streaked face, he saw a change in her. Where before she had been trying to deny what her friend had done, had tried to do, now she could no longer. She couldn't find any more excuses, and he knew it.

"He-he couldn't have-" Matt wrapped his arms around his little sister and folded her into him, trying to offer as much comfort as he could. The two stayed like that for a time, just a shattered girl weeping into her brothers' chest. He wasn't sure how long it was before Pidge's sobs slowed, quieting to whimpers.

"I'm sorry, Pidge. I wasn't sure if I should tell you or not. But, I know he's your friend, and you'd want to know." Pidge looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy.

"Yeah. Thanks, Matt." She sniffled, moving to run her arm across her face before she realized she was still in her armor, and metal wasn't exactly going to do much to wipe the tears away.

"Hey, here," Matt said, moving to remove a cloth from his back pocket. "It's got a bit of sweat on it, so I'm sorry about that, but I figure that's better than nothing." She gave him a small smile before taking the cloth and rubbing it across her face.

"Thanks. I'd make a joke about how that is absolutely disgusting or something, but I'm kinda out of humor." Matt returned the smile.

"Yeah, I kinda figured." He paused. "So. What do you want to do now?" he ventured. She pulled her legs in close.

"…I don't know. I kinda want to kick Keith's butt right now, but honestly, I just want to sleep. I'm sure he does too," Pidge sighed.

Matt chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure he does." He took in a deep breath. "Well, how about we go find some place to lie down for a while, yeah? Then you can get some sleep."

Pidge nodded. "Yeah. Okay." She started to move to stand, before Matt caught her and held her in a tight hug.

"Hey, what-?"

"I-I'm just glad you're okay, ya know?" he mumbled.

She paused before wrapping her arms around him, returning the hug.

"Yeah. Me too."

They stayed like that for a while before Matt pulled away.

"Come on. Let's get you some sleep," he said, smiling softly.

She returned the smile. "Yeah. But only if you sleep too. You have bags under your eyes," she smirked.

"What? I do not!" he retorted, moving to stand, Pidge mirroring him.

She grinned. "Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Blah! Okay fine, we'll both sleep. But not because I have bags under my eyes!"

"Yeah, sure, you keep telling yourself that," she chuckled, starting off towards her room.

"I will!" he laughed back at her, striding to catch up.

The two continued their good-natured banter, until the next hour found them both asleep, both happy to still have their sibling with them.

Though, before Pidge fell into the black nothingness of unconsciousness, she promised one thing to herself:

She was going to absolutely murder Keith when she got up.

As far as things went, standing in on a political conversation he wasn't involved in was possibly the most boring thing Lance could be doing. There were talks of upcoming attacks on the Galra, treaties to sign, and strategies to form, and none of it was all that interesting to him. But, Allura insisted that at least one of the Paladins be present in the room, and seeing as how everyone else was otherwise occupied, Lance was the one forced into the room of diplomats. And he spent every second of that time wishing he could find a way out.

"Hey, have you guys seen Matt?" Aw yes, score. Lance turned around to face Pidge, still in her armor. That's strange; he would have thought she would have gotten out of it by now. Then again, he was still in his, so he didn't have much room to talk.

"Huh? Oh, I think he's actually looking for you. He came by earlier, and I sent him off towards your room." He gestured out the door.

"Really? Huh. Thanks Lance!" She waved at him and turned back out the door.

"Yeah, but- aaand she's gone." He huffed. He hadn't actually seen Matt for at least half an hour, so the chances that he was still in Pidge's room were small. It was actually much more likely that he was just roaming the halls of the Castle, hoping to run into his sister. But now, Lance had sent her on a wild goose chase, one where the two were destined to forever roam in a loop through the halls of the large ship. But maybe…?

Lance looked back towards the group. Allura and Coran were both involved in their own conversations, the leaders of Naxzela and the other freed planets talking with them about joining the alliance. With them busy, maybe Lance could slip away, help out Pidge, and be back before anyone ever noticed he was missing. Slowly, ever so slowly, he started to inch out the door, keeping a watchful eye on the crowd in case someone turned to look his way.

Somehow, he made it out the door without being spotted. As the door slid shut behind him, he let out a breath. Success! Now, to find Matt and Pidge. He set off down the halls, keeping up a brisk pace. He searched for a while, before he heard some quiet talking and slowed down to a leisurely stroll. Turning the corner, he smiled, happy to find that the siblings had found each other. Nodding to himself, he turned to leave, but paused when he caught a snippet of their conversation:

"I'm just saying that Keith probably wouldn't have made it out. If Lotor hadn't shown up when he did."

His brow furrowed. He wasn't denying that things had looked bad out there, but why were they talking about Keith specifically? He pressed into the wall, and continued to listen.

"Matt, what are you talking about, of course he would have. He was the best pilot at the Garrison, you know. I'm sure he could've gotten out of there," Pidge said. Lance felt a small lump of pride in his throat. Yeah! Of course he would have gotten out. Of course, he himself was a great pilot too, but after all this time, even he had to admit that Keith could fly a bit better than him.

He was so caught up in his introspection that he almost hadn't noticed their conversation quiet. Slowly, he inched closer, hoping to hear them better. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he noted that eavesdropping wasn't exactly polite. But Keith was his friend, and something about the way Matt looked at Pidge just seemed… wrong. He had to know what was going on.

"What was that?" Pidge asked.

Lance almost groaned in frustration. Come on, man, speak up!

"Matt?"

Matt started speaking again, but his voice was too soft for Lance to hear properly. He risked moving in closer. "-he probably would have gotten out of there. If…."

"…If…?" If what? Come on, Matt, out with it!

"If he wasn't doing something reckless, like trying to ram into a Galra shield to try to get it to fall," he sighed.

Pidge stared at her brother. "…He… what?" Her voice seemed to mirror the way he felt: like the floor had fallen out from under him.

Matt ran a hand through his hair. "Keith saw that our weapons weren't getting through the shields. And he knew that everyone would die if they didn't fall. So, I guess he figured that if our weapon fire wasn't strong enough to destroy the barrier, maybe a ship crashing into it would be."

He put a hand to the wall, trying to steady himself. Keith almost died out there. He would have died out there. And it wouldn't have even been because of the enemy. He would have died because of his own _stupid_ actions and his _stupid_ decisions and his _stupid_ need to be the hero.

"Keith… tried to…" Through his own clouded thoughts, he could hear the tears in Pidge's voice. But he couldn't seem to bring himself to go to her. Not now. Now, he needed to do something.

"Yeah. He did." Lance was done listening. He started to back away, quiet as when he had first come in. Rounding back around the corner, he let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up from the ground, a single thought forming in his mind.

Find Keith.

At the moment, Keith wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep for the next billion years. And after talking with Kolivan for what seemed like hours, he was finally getting the chance to do so.

He slowly padded down the Castle halls, his mind dwelling on the past day. The fight, the bomb-planet, Lotor.

His suicide attempt. Not that he was calling it that.

He shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. He never did. And he hoped that he never would have to. If he was lucky, no one would find out, and he could just let the matter go.

Did anyone know about it?

He groaned. Matt did. He was talking with him when he decided to do it. So he just needed to talk to Matt, get him to not say anything. Before it was too late and his friends found out.

He paused in the hall, finding himself in front of his old room. Chewing the inside of his lip, he worked out the probability of Matt telling someone before he got up from his nap. Sighing, he decided it was likely. Heck, Pidge probably already knew, given how close those two were. He was sure that Shiro would be next to find out, and then….

Then he really would be dead.

Letting out a breath, he decided he'd better get some sleep before his friends came to give him the lecture of his life. He pressed his hand to the control panel, and the door slid open. He stepped into the doorway and looked around. Nothing looked out of place. It looked exactly the way it did when he last left it. Which he guessed made sense, since it was likely no one was in here since he'd left. But still, it felt like home.

He made to move to the bed before his ears picked up the tapping of footsteps down the hall. Normally, he'd just ignore it and say it was just someone passing by, but something about the nature of the sound gave him pause. They were heavier and faster than they would have been if it was just someone passing by. And so, Keith took a step back out of the doorway to see who it was and what was going on.

And was promptly launched back into the room by a fist connecting with his face.

For a moment, he let himself lie on the floor in a daze before jumping back up to his feet. He turned to face his attacker, a hand working his jaw.

"Lance, what was that for?!" he yelled at his friend, who had stepped into the room and closed the door.

Lance looked at Keith, anger burning in his eyes. He stalked towards him, an accusatory finger jabbing at him.

"Oh, you know _exactly_ what that was for, you _stupid, stupid_ idiot!"

"Oh really now! You sure I do? Because as far as I know, I haven't done a single thing!" Keith retorted, ignoring the part of his mind that screamed he knew _exactly_ what this was about.

Lance stopped in front of him, taking on an incredulous tone. "Oh, yeah, sure, Mr. I'm-gonna-fucking-kill-myself-and-launch-my-ship-at-a-Galra-battlecruiser!"

Keith tried to remain passive, to keep a straight face. He really tried. But he couldn't help but wince, and Lance noticed.

"How is that not a problem? Huh? Just what were you thinking, Keith?" he shouted.

Keith looked into his friends eyes, but looked back at the ground when he saw the fire in them. He wasn't giving up the fight, though.

"Look, we weren't getting past the shields. Nothing we were doing was working. My ship was damaged, and unless we got in there, we _all_ would have died," he fired back.

"Oh, so you figured that going all heroic and dying was the best thing to do?" Lance crossed his arms.

"I-Yes. It would have saved you all, and only one of us would have had to die. At the time, it seemed like the best thing to do," Keith said hotly, refusing to look him in the eye.

Lance looked about ready to punch Keith again. "'The best thing-' Keith, how can you be so, so accepting of this? How is it that you were so ready to die?!"

Keith glanced up at Lance, but otherwise remained quiet. Lance continued on.

"It's the Blade, isn't it?"

"The Blade doesn't have anything to do with this!" Keith insisted.

"Oh really? Are you so sure about that? Because before you left, you were a team player! Now, you just do whatever you feel like, without any thought to the rest of us! You keep getting yourself hurt, Keith, and this time you were ready to die at a moment's notice!" Lance started moving again towards Keith, who in turn backed away from his raving friend.

"It's almost like you actually believe them. Like you actually think you're expendable! Like dying for the cause is actually helpful! Well guess what!" Lance had closed the distance between the two of them, and he took the chance to push Keith into the wall.

"It isn't! You aren't some drone, Keith! You aren't someone we can just replace," Lance shouted, tears starting to form in his eyes.

Keith looked him dead on, his face emotionless. "But I am. You replaced me as the Red Paladin. Then when he came back, Shiro took back the Black Lion. And there are more Marmora who can always take my place."

Lance shook his head furiously, planting his hands on Keith's shoulders. "No! No, Keith, no there isn't! There won't ever be anyone who can replace you, and don't ever think there is!" Keith looked away, and Lance hooked his fingers around his chin to force him to look into his eyes.

"You are my friend, Keith. You're everyone's friend! Did you stop to think about how Shiro would feel if you died? Pidge? Hunk? _Me_? We would be devastated, Keith, and you know it! You might not be an active member of the team right now, but we need you. I need you!" The tears started falling as his voice broke.

"Of course I thought about you guys," Keith said quietly, his head falling.

"Really. Are you sure about that? Cause it didn't seem like you did!"

His head shot back up. "Yes, Lance! I did! I was thinking about saving you guys. I wanted you to live." Tears were falling from Keith's eyes, tracing wet paths down his face. "I wanted you to be free, to go on. I-I wanted you to be happy," he cried quietly, head falling.

"But we wouldn't have been. You have to know that we wouldn't have been happy without you." He paused. " _I_ wouldn't have been happy without you." He tucked his fingers under his chin to get him to look up again. "Don't you know that? You- you're important to me, Keith. I need you."

Lance pulled Keith into a hug, folding him into himself. "So don't ever think about doing that again, okay?"

Keith stood there for a moment before wrapping his arms around Lance. "I was so scared, Lance," he quietly admitted into his chest.

Lance kissed the top of his head, so gentle Keith wasn't even sure he did it. "I know," he murmured into his hair. "But it's over now. And you aren't ever getting near another ship ever again, you hear me, you maniac?"

Keith chuckled, his shoulders bouncing lightly. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, _mom._ " He pulled away from Lance, and the both of them laughed softly as they both wiped the tears from their eyes. For a moment, the two just smiled at each other, happy the other was alive. Suddenly, Keith frowned as a thought occurred to him.

"Hey, how did you even hear about this? I kinda figured Matt or Pidge would be here to chew me out first."

Lance smirked. "Oh, I'm sure they're coming. I walked into them talking about it in the hallway and decided I needed to get here before they did."

"So I have that to look forward to," Keith grimaced.

"Oh you're worried about them?" Lance scoffed. "I'd be way more worried about Shiro." Keith winced.

"Yeah. I'm definitely not looking forward to that," he sighed.

Lance put a comforting hand on Keith's shoulder. "Well, I'll be here for you. Even though you deserve whatever they dish out."

Keith smiled up at him. "Thanks."

"No problem," he said, returning the smile. "But for now, how about you get some sleep? I can't imagine how exhausting going all kamikaze must be," he said, smirking.

Keith rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah…" he trailed off.

Suddenly, Lance bent over and hooked his arm under Keith's knee, and despite his protests, picked him up and carried him over to his bed. Together, the two plopped down onto the mattress, Keith's face a lot redder than before.

"W-what was that for?!" Keith shouted at him, moving to sit on the bed.

"Gotta make sure you actually go to bed, you know," Lance grinned at him, standing back up. Keith muttered angrily, but otherwise looked relatively good-humored.

Lance placed his hands on his hips, and smiled down at Keith. "Well. Good night then," he said, giving him a last nod. He turned to leave. "I'll see you later." He strode across the room, and was in front of the door when Keith called to him.

"Hey. Wait."

Lance turned back to face him, a puzzled look on his face. Keith's eyes were again on the floor, and Lance was surprised to see that he was nervously wringing his hands together.

"Yeah?" Keith didn't respond for a moment, but when he did, Lance's heart soared.

"Will… will you stay with me?" Keith wasn't sure what his answer would be, but… "I don't want to be alone right now."

Lance did a subtle double-take. Did Keith just ask him to sleep with him? He couldn't have thought this would happen in his wildest dreams, and yet, here it was. The moment he'd always wanted, but knew he'd never get.

He smiled at him. "Yeah," he replied gently. Turning the light off, he walked back to the side of the bed as Keith moved aside to make room for him, his face brick red. Lance gave him a reassuring smile before lying down, holding out his arm to encourage Keith to do the same. Refusing to look at him, Keith settled into Lance's side, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible. Still, the bed was small, and Keith was forced to lay his head on Lance's chest. With Keith settled in, Lance draped his arm over his waist.

"Good night, Keith," Lance murmured.

"…Good night, Lance. And thanks," Keith replied.

He smiled serenely. "Anytime."

It wasn't long before the two fell asleep like that, and if you ask either one, they'd say it was the best sleep they'd gotten since leaving Earth. That is, if either would admit to it.


End file.
